Happy Birthday Samuel!

It's so hard to believe that one year ago today I was sitting in a hospital holding this mysterious little boy with the blue eyes and red hair. Wondering why he chose our family and feeling a little confused as to what to do with this precious little one. Trying to remember all the things that I had forgot in the 8 years since Lolo's arrival. Thinking about all the changes our family would be going through and how each of my beautiful kids would feel about thier new little brother.

Then as a few months went by we all wondered what life was like without our little Samuel. How any of us could have thought that there were no more little Oquists waiting to come to us. How we could have been happy without this cute little prince who has every single one of us wrapped around his little chubby finger. Watching as each of us were so excited for all the milestones and wondering what happens next. It's funny how all the things you thought you forgot or thought you wouldn't need come right back and before long you are carrying the entire house with you everywhere you go!

Next thing you know a whole year has gone by...where does time go? How can it feel so brand new still to sit and hold this angel? How can it seem like just yesterday I had the shock of my life when I learned there was nothing wrong with me other than I was pregnant.

I can not remember what life was like before Sammy came along. I can not imagine our life without him anymore, about not carrying baby toys, diapers, sippy cups and snacks in my purse. I try to remember sitting in sacrament with out a child climbing all over me and fussing, dropping crumbs and toys all over me. Where has the time gone? How did my newest little man become a 1 year old already. Soon he will be walking, then running, then riding a bike (or skateboard), then passing the sacrament like his big brother. I want to ask God, how he can let time slip by. Did I write everything down? Have I noted all the accomplishments? One year ago I wondered if I would be ok with a new baby, now I wonder if I will be okay without one. Will I be ok with a Toddler?

Will he always reach for me? Will he still want to hold my hand or give me open mouth kisses? Will he cry just to get to me even though he is older? How do you freeze time or slow it down, so you remember to enjoy everything? Yes, I wonder all these things. Yes, I wonder if I was a good enough mom and if working (even part time) has stolen any thing from me in the last year...but I just need to remind myself that the next year holds just as many exciting moments. That soon he will look at me and say "mama" and know that it means me, before long he will blow kisses and say he loves me. Before long he will walk and run to me when I come to pick him up. I still have so many more "firsts" with him. I hope I remember to slow down and take notes of the small things, to not rush this next year or the next 18 years at that. Yes, before long he will be preparing for a mission and then a wedding. So, for now I just need to remember he is my little man. That right now I am the most important thing in his life and not push him to move any faster than he already is.

I love you Sammy and am soooooooo thankful you chose our family. Even when we thought we were done and trying not to have anymore kids. What was I thinking?