It's amazing how you think you would love to have your kids gone for a while, that we think we will love it when they grow up and move out. I have experienced this the last 2 weeks. Danielle is gone during the week, while she is involved in the Upward Bound program through high school. She spends the whole week (nights included) at Embry Riddle Aeronautical University taking classes and getting prepared for her sophomore year of high school. Kody was gone all last week at Camp Geronimo with the Boy Scouts. My children at home have been cut in half.
It's funny how when you are young, you have a picture of what your life would be, I always planned on going to college, having a career, and freedom to do whatever I wanted. I even fantasized about moving to Cali, getting an apt right off the beach, and living with one of my cousins who live there. I would go to school, find a job, and live on the beach! That would've been the life. I can remember sitting in YW class on Sunday and listening to a few of the girls say they wanted to be mothers when they grew up, I always thought that was silly. There is more in life than being a mommy, you can be so many things! A mommy was just an afterthought as far as I was concerned. I want to write and become an author, I can do that and be a mommy, I just didn't understand ONLY being a mommy. The funny part is that is the majority of my adulthood has been spent, being only a mommy, and it's been great! I have 3 older children I can talk with and laugh and cry with. I have a beautiful new one that has a great personality. I still want to write and do these things, but I don't mind that I don't do them now, I love that my life has been centered around these spirits that I get to take care of and lead.(hopefully in the right direction)
Being without them is hard. I hated dropping Danielle off this week. The first Sunday was fun and exciting, but after being without her for one week and then only having her home a day and a half, due to Saturday activities, I didn't want her to leave. I know this program will help her get great scholarships and be prepared to continue getting good grades, but I feel so selfish right now. Kody got home on Saturday and spent the weekend at home, but immediately was making plans with friends to hang out all day Monday. Then he spent the night and is gone even longer. I have loved my time with Lolo and Sammy, but they are both still so young. I love that I can talk with Danielle and Kody about grown up things, that they are at a point where they want to learn and soak up the gospel to use in thier life. That I can ask questions about who thier friends are they don't get upset, they want my input (a little) that we can discuss thier day and I know they are becoming little people getting ready to face the world.
Lolo trys so hard to be like them, but she is only 9 and her life is so different than middle and high school. She is beautiful and trying to get the attention she misses from being the baby. It seems that attempting to give her one on one this last week has only added to her orneriness and fits. I know she struggles with Sammy and having to take care of her self more. That she can't always get help when she demands it. Sammy is so cute, but it is so hard to start over and relearn everything after having these older children. I can't just sit and talk to him and have him answer. I have loved taking both of them to the pool and lunch at the school(Lolo's favorite), I have enjoyed taking Lolo to the orthodontist, and being able to talk to her about what is going on. I just didn't expect to miss the older 2 so much! They get so rowdy and obnoxious that I sometimes wish they had something like this to get rid of them, now I would love to have them being goofy. They seem to be growing up so fast, it won't be long and all three older kids will be out in the world as adults, I hope we can have the relationship that my family has. This time is just not long enough to enjoy these kids and keep them.
I guess I owe those girls in YW an apology, for thinking they were crazy! I now understand what it means to be a mommy! This is the life! Even having to work part time in a field I never saw for myself is rewarding, because I know that it is to help them get what they need to be successful in life! I just don't know if I can survive the whole summer with Danielle gone! I will never tell her this, I want her to do it and be successful, she is so strong I know she be something great. Some day I will look at all 4 of these muffins and say "I did that!"
No comments:
Post a Comment